Take Me Away...

So depressed

So stressed

Living a soul less life

All that is left, is skin and bones

My mistakes

I regret

You were always a stranger

Shouldn't have let you in

You lied

I believed

Faking your identity

All that times you thought I’d fell for it, I truly did

Eternal damnation, is what I get

After all the times I trusted in you

Euphoria is no where to be seen

Dysphoria is overwhelming me

Dreamed of heaven

Have to go through hell

The wrongs you did

Why am I paying for them?

Death wish

Locked in scheol

Lucifer, forgive me

And take me away with you…

I'm just a kid...

I’m just a kid

Is all I can say

For you don’t treat me like one

And it’s as if I’m your age

Don’t tell me that stuff

I don’t wanna hear it

I’ve got my own problems

I can’t handle yours

I’m no mature

Or a responsible adult or something

I’m just a kid

Who never got to enjoy her childhood

What’s so funny about those dirty clothes…

Uncompleted homework…broken pencils and stuff…

I guess, I’ll never know

For I didn’t got to enjoy those talks with mom

And those rides with dad

Or those meaningless quarrels with my sister

I never had any of them…

I’m just a kid

Who was never loved

I came in this world for waste

Tell me if you find me irritating

I’ll just end up some way

It’s not a new thing for me

To try killing myself

And to reborn again

I’ve been through it all

You just make me face it all over again

I’m just a kid

And my life is all about

Unfulfilled dreams…break-ups…tears…scars…

What else does this World offers…?

Somewhere in the dark

I wanna see a new light

A light which comes with happiness

And will always stay…

For I’m just a kid

Who is scared…scared of the dark…

Emotionless

Do you know what it feels like...

When there is no one you can turn to

Your world's breaking down

And you just can't do anything

To make it go the right way

Well, that's what I'm feeling right now

My mom hates me...I hate her too

She made me hate her...can't help the fact

How she acts so much weird sometimes

And just act so much insane

At these moments like this one

I close my door

Turn on the radio

Cry my insides out

Ask myself why

How did I get here ?

She ain't even my mother

No one's mine

I ain't got any friends

I ain't got anyone

Just me going on continuously

My world keeps on breaking down

I want to give up but I just can't

There's no end to it

I just have to take it all in...face the pain...

And go on and on

I don't know how much longer I can hold on

I just hope it won't be long for my end to come

I want to escape...end this pain...end my life

End this loneliness...

I want the good lord to feel pleased today…

And Satan feel sorry...

I won't mind rotting in Hell for eternity

All I want is an escape

Escape from this World...This living hell...

And here comes the worst part

I don't even know why my dad changed so much

He used to be my hero

And all that's left of him to be is being a villain

A really bad one...

My sis whom I love the most is far off in some other World

Which knows no cry of pain...living without emotions...

No one gives a damn to care about the another

I'm not even sure if she remembers me the way I remember her

All that I know is that she is far off and she won't be here to see my end...

It seems good in a way...If she still loves me than it won't be a good sight

For her to watch at least...

Those who say, they belong to me...

Well, they are far away in some distant corner of the World

Neither can I reach them nor can they reach me...

Talking and wishing is all that we can do

No one would be there to save me from my suffocating, painful, death

I gonna bleed myself to death

Gonna slit my wrists deeper...see the blood flow

And enjoy the pleasure the sight of it gives

I gonna learn to live in pain

Show them I don't care

How much worse can it get...?

And so here I'm waiting for their final decision

Writing another piece of crap

Shoving this on their face

I don't care is all that I've got to say

Go on do what you want...make my insides die and live emotionless...

Don't Leave Me...

Well, my exams starts tomorrow...I won't be able to make any entry for 9days...Damn, I'll miss it so much...Tomorrow's 3rd language...and I'm gonna fail, I know already...so catch ya people later...final entry for August...

Don’t leave me here,

I’m begging you to take me with you!

I can’t stand this solitary darkness,

I’m lost in a world of shadows.

They have no warmth,

No tender embrace.

Just cold clutches and silent glances.

Don’t leave me here,

I’m begging you to talk to me!

I can’t bear to listen to the pulse of my blood,

The tapping of my heart on my chest.

I’m only alive enough to breathe,

But dead enough to be numb.

It’s just enough to remember

I’m empty, hollow and scared.

Don’t leave me here,

I’m begging you to love me!

I can’t cry until you’re here,

Until you tell me I’m real enough to cry. .

I don’t deserve the satisfaction of

Justification of my own faults.

I’m guilty of more than you know.

But don’t leave me with these

Flaws, they intensify

They magnify with loneliness.

Don’t leave me here,

I’m begging you to save me!

I just want you to hold me close,

And tell me that it was all a bad dream,

And now I'm here to take care of you,

To pet my hair and calm my heart,

Tell me i’m not perfect

and i don’t have to be.

Tell me i’m lovely.

Tell me my fears are shallow

and have no root.

and tell me you won’t leave me,ever

Tell me you won’t learn to hate me,

As i have.

Tell me you won’t desert me,

As others have.

Tell me i don’t have to be lonely ever again...

The Sad Love Song

Here I am

Wondering' were you might be

Thinking about you

Wishing' that you'll be doing' fine

I don't know what drifted us apart

The adjustments I used to make

or the fights you used to start

I never thought that you gonna leave me,

this way

And I want you to know this

I loved You

I love you

And I'll love you all along...

Oh my love, where are you

Don't you miss me

Don't you wish to get back in the past

And get all those things done the right way...

How can you forget me

Don't you regret leaving me

Why'd you moved out

Left me in solitude...

I don't know what drifted us apart

The adjustments I used to make

or the fights you used to start

I never thought that you gonna leave me,

this way

And I want you to know this

I loved You

I love you

And I'll love you all along...

Every night I get myself to sleep by thinking about you

imagining' that you are still here with me

Although you're not...

This bed made by my side have been voided for years

And every morning I wake up

Feeling' as if it was a bad dream

But soon I get back into the reality

I don't know what drifted us apart

The adjustments I used to make

or the fights you used to start

I never thought that you gonna leave me,

this way

And I want you to know this

I loved You

I love you

And I'll love you all along...

(Speaking')

I'll love you forever

Please remember my words

Remember the good times we had

And again we can keep going' onwards

And continue the fairytale which we left in between

Where it states the 3 sweet words "Happily Ever After"

And I want you to remember this

I loved You

I love you

And I'll love you all along...

Better Than Me - Hinder

I don't know whats wrong with me...I know, I don't have friends or parents like those of others but does that mean I give up on living...But seriously, every single moment that passes by, I wish I never really existed, I wish I die and rot in Hell for eternity...truly, that's the place for me...What else could I worth...This world is worst than what I would face in Hell after Death...I feel so sick...Damn, someone kill me please, I've tried it myself a million times and all that is left is the doomed me...my exams are starting from the upcoming Monday, it feels shit...I haven't tried any exercise in Calculus and I'm damn sure I'm gonna fail... I wish I was in college...It would have much better than...I would have been in a much better condition...Well, I know I'm bugging you with all of my Emo Crybaby crap...so stop reading and listen to this...

Misunderstandings...

Sitting In My Class

Killing My Time

People Are Being So Mean

I Don't Know Whose Mine

No More...

They Lied And Made Me Cry

I Still Don't Know Why It Happened

Why Did I Depended

On Relationships, On Friendships

On Trust, On Love...

You Were My Best Friend

The One I Told My Deepest Secret

You Were The One I Trusted

The One I Thought Was Mine

The One Who Broke Me...Again, This Day...

Well, I wrote this crap during my class today after my best bud at school break off in a fight with me just because I wasn't telling him some stuff about my other bud...and it was like crazy...this friend of mine was so sad today because of his girl...something happened between em'...hope he gets on fine...

50 thoughts

1.She (Aritry) said, I should try, so here I'm...making my mind work...duh

2.Do I really have to go to school...I don't really want to...

3.I missed my 3rd language test yesterday...:P...I didn't studied and than didn't went to school...and I cried all day long coz I missed my best friend(Harry)...what a loser...

4.Who am I hiding things from...myself, off course

5.My sis went offline...why did that happen...I miss her

6.I wish I was living abroad with her and was in college...when will this torture end

7.I can't write anything better, I guess

8.My poetry ain't poetry...it's crap...seriously, I suck to death

9.I won't cheat in the upcoming exams...really, who am I kidding with...but seriously, I won't...:P

10.I gonna fail in my mid-terms

11.My room's wall have got 30reasons why I wanna die...this is harder than writing those 30reasons...:P

12.It's 4.58am...I'm sitting in my bathing gown...all drenched in water...haha...I'm so insane

13.My van will come to take me to hell(School, actually it's worst than that) at 6.25am

14.I miss Aastha(ex-best friend)...she'd probably be sleeping

15.I woke up for the night...

16.Maybe I'll sleep after returning from school...:P

17.I wanna die...the thought of killing myself ain't gonna leave me any sooner

18.I'm going insane...actually, I was born insane...I need some therapy, please

19.When is that guy, pawan releasing the 5Th part of his story, the lives of others...

20.I'm bored...oh look, I've reached 20...woohooo...ain't bad...

21.How can I possibly hate myself for others mistakes...?

22.Am I emo...well, there are possibilities...I've been all too depressed and have been listening to the used for so long...

23.I feel that the used wrote that song, the poetic tragedy, on me

24.What time would it be in US, at my sis's place...might be 5.40pm or something...

25.My classmates would still be sleeping...

26.My school's 40kms away from my place...80kms up-down everyday...:P

27.I want to try in some new bands...any suggestions...I'm bored with the oldies

28.My audio editor software is gonna download in a minute...woohoo...well, what is it about anyway...?

29.My fingers are aching, I've been typing non-stop...

30.The editor thing is done...

31.It's gonna take me more than the others to write out my 50 thoughts...

32.I'm hungry...need to eat Maggi...

33.I've to get in my uniform...and put my SS copy inside my bag...

34.Mid-terms from 31st...I'm still gonna fail...

35.Would Harry be sleeping right now...?...probably not, he had to do the sehri thing and than keep on fasting again

36.I wish I die today...suicide isn't my thing...maybe some tragedy, may god be pleased today and Satan be sorry...haha...:P

37.I want to read more stuff of Edgar Allen Poe and some novels from Rabindranath Tagore...My library pass will be ready by this Friday...

38.I ain't that blank that I thought I was

39.Some guy just scrapped me at Orkut...there are people more "VELLA" types than me...

40.I reached 40...hope, I die right away after 50...

41.I miss my bro, his wife and his cute lil' daughter...awww...

42.My neighbours would be still dreaming about random stuff I ain't interested to hear about

43.The bitches at my school are gonna irritate me again like any other day with their crap talk

44.Why does my seniors give me that weird look...?

45.Am I that bad...I answer it myself, yes, off course...I again suck to death

46.My blog is going to have 24posts after this...cool...

47.There are people online on my facebook, orkut, gtalk, msn & yahoo...see I told ya I'm a "VELLA INSAAN"

48.My best advice to myself, "Go get a life, you lazy ass"

49.I'm growing fat, I guess...those chubby cheeks...:P

50.Finally done...:P...cool...it took me around 25mins I guess...it's 5.20am right now...so bad...I'm the worst at it...still heads off to Aritry...!!!...Leaving...got to dress up for school...

Jinxed...:P

- Peace Out

- Zoya

Why I Hate My Parents...?

Its crap…I don’t even know what it is…just something that’s been on my mind for a while…another entry for killing time...sorry mom-dad, but it’s true…

My mom says she knows me

Well, I bet she doesn't

My dad says he cares

Then, why isn’t he there

When I need them

They are nowhere to be found

When I need a shoulder to cry

They don't even ask what's wrong

My mom yells at me for waste

Every now and then we fight for haste

My dad never listens to me

He doesn't even know what my age would be

When I was a kid

Doesn't knew what they'd turn out to be

I thought my parents were my best friends

And now I think, they're another face to the enemy

My mom compares me with other girls of my age

Well, everyone's different, did she ever heard of that

My dad doesn't like me talking to boys

80s mentality, how can I possibly change that

And now when I want no one

They ask me why

And when I say it's because of em'

They tell me I'm just a brat.

Where's the love gone...

Why does it have be so hard

Just for the two of us

Have to go through so much

Can't take it, let go of it

You and me, met by chance

Fell in love

And had a new start

You trusted me and I trusted you

Don't know where's the love gone now

Everything was going on fine

Since the nine that night

I received your mail

It said, I was insane

We weren't meant to be

You wasted the last four years on me

In vain, left me in pain

You and me, met by chance

Fell in love

And had a new start

You trusted me and I trusted you

Don't know where's the love gone now

But I never forced you to love me

You could have told me that back then

You could have left 4yrs back

It would have been better than this

Atleast I wouldn't have this hole inside

You and me, met by chance

Fell in love

And had a new start

You trusted me and I trusted you

Don't know where's the love gone now

And now I met this guy

He helped me get over you

I guess, I don't care anymore

Infact, I fucking hate you

You're so done with putting me thorugh hell

Your thoughts don't depress me anymore

I don't want you anymore

Life moves on, no matter what

I forgot with time,

I forgot if there was the thing called love in between

Us