Sometimes questions are more important than answers..

Haven't you ever felt , alone ?
Haven't you ever felt , betrayed ?
Haven't you ever been a teen ?
Didn't you ever looked for an escape ?
Didn't you made mistakes ? ( Oh , I know I was a mistake )
Escape , from this desolated world ,
And from the atrocities which live here
Those who don't give here , nothing but hate ,
Took as much as they can , from me , you see
And they left this hollow hole in my heart and it bleeds
I buried the scars deep , underneath my full sweat
And I bet you couldn't see me crying as I hide under this virtual lair
And I fake a smile so perfect , you'd barely notice the sorrow
Cause outside these four walls , I don't know what I'm , nothing but some trash
A child unwanted , an obnoxious student , a fucked up so-called friend ,
and a lover undone , so dramatic or a sissy baby sister , as she called me
And 'cause you couldn't see whats lying beneath this corpse , indeed
A soul untouched , I'm hungry for love
You hurt me so bad , and I can see it doesn't even matter
'cause nothing's gonna change , you'll be staying the same
Saying sorry wouldn't make a difference
You can't go back around in the past and erase the scars , the bruises , they live
And anyway who am I fooling around with ? What would you be sorry for ?
For telling me that you hate me or for me not being an "extraordinary child"
Don't feel sorry for me , you know that I'm a fucked up case
Desolated I stay and I know you're not the one to be blamed
Its all me , always been , all covered up in these revolutionary philosophies
Would it make a difference if I just quit ?
Quit from this job of being your perfect kid
'cause you don't treat me like a kiddo anymore
As if I'm some matured shit And if you can't bear to see me like this
So I guess , you shall just kick , kick me out of "your" place
I wouldn't mind being a stray 'cause you see I've gone too far astray
And feeding me with those lies , doesn't help at all
'cause in reality , you're just the same as I'm
Except you get to make your own choices and you have me as a slave
And I'm sorry to be naive , but it'd be hard to bury myself with all these words
They crush my insides to pieces and I've got to let them out , so now I shut
I've always been a victim , noticed the glass half empty
And I slit , so what ? Self abuse ain't a big thing
Anyway , its so tempting , redeeming myself from these sins
And not to tell you , people call it child abuse
What you do to me , as you shut me , sweet .
And with this I end here , another poetical tragedy
In the end of these absurd lines , I do the crime of killing me.

P.S. That was me trying to write some rap. LoL . : D .

My favorite mistake , But I moved on.

Its not something I write , the heartbreak songs for the diseased , but I just wanted to see if I could..And so here it is . *feels weird* . |~_~| .

I hate you

For the way you make me feel

Wish I could detach you

But you've become a part of me

An important part , I must say

You're my weakness

And you know it

You take me in

And you throw me

Down I fall and you just watch

Pain's my own personal drug

Lovestruck I'll burst

Open for you to kill

Stab my heart out

And you won't mind
No you won't mind, this time

Had enough of you

Still I can't leave you

You used, abused

And now you leave me for waste

Did I say

You're my favorite mistake , I made

And I can't get over it

I love you with all my heart

But you're just giving it away

You gave it away

And here I stay

Heartbroken again

Not anymore , not anymore

I moved on

I'd take the fall , reach out for more

I'm done with your faking around

You were my favorite mistake

But I moved on .

<3

A short story of my life , turned to poetic verses . .

A little girl , I was once

Playing in my mother's womb

Engraving beauty lied in my hands

Oh ! how she told me , I was precious

But now all I hear is , I'm obnoxious

A sweet sister ,Oh ! Once I had

She loved me , and used to be my mentor

As I used to be the center of attraction

But no more , all is lost

She doesn't even remember , I exist

My daddy dearest ,

Oh ! His sweet embrace I miss

The laughs we shared

A kiss on his pointed beard

Before he put me to sleep

A friend , I once had

Oh ! The most adorable one

Who was always there

But then we ended up in two different worlds

And I miss her

My love , so sweet

Oh ! He turned out to be a cheat

He turned my world upside down

Destruction he brought ,

With his enchanted touch

Where did it all go ?

Where does my happiness lie ?

Where is the reason of my being ?

Where did it all go ?

Where did the love go ?

Where do I belong ?

I'm lost , I'm shattered to pieces

I crave for peace and the love which will stay

I want to grow up , once again

Rejoice the moments I cherished with those who loved

Until they learned to hate me

Oh , this is how my fate turned miserable

And yeah , love be detrimental , forever .

- Zoya .

Die again

This blade lay beside me

the blood pouring down my sleeves

my decorated wrists

with cuts and bruises

wounds left open

of the dreams broken

metal healing my mind

the noises infecting

I cry, I die, why do I have to lie

I loved you, with all that I've had

didn't it matter,

didn't it caused any pain when you left me

and here I stay, in this palatial room

with no doors or windows

I'm locked, eternity damned

I scream, I carve your name in blood

I bleed in your name everyday

does it even matter, do you even care

you loved me, or was it a lie too

and as you told me you'd be with me

but why did u have to leave

leave me here to rot to death

death doesn't comes so easy

I'll have to wait, wait till I'm hurt enough to be numb

and die again.

In pace requiescat

Here I sit

With all those around me

The hatred that conquers me

The vengeance that forsook me

I screamed into horror of hearing those words you spoke

Those words worked as daggers

And pierced right through me

Deep wounds they leave, with time they'll heal

And as it rains upon these

I see my blood wash off

And I try to realize, realize what it have done to me

It killed me, stabbed hard, and I died in grief

But peace, I desire

How to attain it?

How to stop the screeching sounds that run in my head?

And die with peace. Achieve liberation, and end this suffering

And today as they celebrate my death, with the funeral and the black theme

And so on my grave you leave flowers, those rotten ones with the broken love...

Love Is A Sin...

okay...So I haven't written much during the past days...I didn't felt like blogging at all...But here I'm all over again with this poem I wrote...

Love is a sin, I believe,

And now I'm paying for it.

Sweet pain is all it costs

And I'm used to it.

You didn't hurt me, love

You killed me indeed.

My insides started to burn to ashes,

My outside turned too cold.

I'm no more a human,

I died way back.

Faith was all I did,

On the wrong person though.

Who turned out to be my foe,

And stabbed me hard.

You made me realize,

What a hideous soul I have.

After so many sins,

It stills fall for the same mistake again.

But maybe this was the last time,

I'm suffocated under the words of sorrow.

Known as the three magic words,

They are magical indeed.

They give you all the happiness in the world,

And even take it all back and make you suffer,

Till you pass away...

The Love Theory

After all the things I've seen...I concluded love can mean many things...actually...LoL...just scroll down...

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1.Happily-Ever-Afters, well I've haven't seen many people who actually had a happily lived love life...everyone went through certain traumas with their love life...and after reading an watching all the great love stories, I assume everyone dies a bitter death in the end...:|

2.Its really a waste to trust someone...it hurts when they break it...which they usually do...!
3.Sometimes the love is just one-sided...the other person just fakes it all through, that they love you...but its all just fake...it hurts pretty bad...

4.Don't expect love in return...you ain't gonna get any actually...u see, I've heard that the key is to get to know people and trust them to be who they are. Instead, we trust people to be who we want them to be and when they're not, we cry...

5.In most of the cases, one of the lover is utterly, purely n deeply in love with the other one, but on the other hand...the other person just doesn't care...not at all...just gives it all away...

6.Sometimes it hurts to express your feelings about someone...but the things left unsaid becomes unheard...its really confusing...express ur feelings or suppress them...?

7.We shouldn't wait for someone to return...they ain't gonna look back at us...never...they moved on...always does!

8.Love is a sin...its what makes u feel pain...people just act like they care while it won't even matter to them if u die...its a selfish world...everyone lives for their own happiness's sake...

9.Losing is all I see...people love someone...they loose them and because they gave it all away for the one they loved, they don't have anything left to them...

10.I used to think that we only love one person at a time...actually in the whole lifetime...but I've seen that people love more than a person at the same time...too many actually...first love, well, it doesn't exists...

11.At times, people just get addicted to someone...u know, attraction, we usually get attracted to new people we meet...crush, u know...and make huge mistakes with our life!

12.People go on the outer-looks of the person, and not on the inner-self of the person...thats the worst part actually...

13.It happens, that we love someone we can not have, it is the one that lasts the longest, hurts the deepest and feels the strongest...*weird*

14.I've heard people say that, "With love, you should go ahead and take the risk of getting hurt... because love is an amazing feeling.”...how can it possibly be an amazing feeling when all it does is hurt...!

15.Its all really weird, why do we hurt those we love, it shouldn't go on this way, when it comes to me, I've seen it all, and I think I should start living a bleak life...that would be pretty good on my part, ^^ n its a suggestion to u people too, falling in love is suicide...!

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My definition to Love:
It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.

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Jim Morrison once said, "People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that's bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they're afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they're wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It's all in how you carry it. That's what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you're letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.”

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Death Sonata

I try so hard to avoid

These sour thoughts of mine

The bitterness that’s in me

The want of vengeance that speaks

The cries of my tainted soul

Never heard or believed

Lay in the corner of this abyss

I bleed myself to demise

Give Up Upon Living...

Nobody cares...Seriously, No One does...no one even pays a single minute to read this blog of mine...well, why would they...all have got so much random work to do...I stand no where in this World...The Net. World as you call it and on the other hand, I don't stand anywhere even in the real World...Every single person Hates me...I know I suck...but that doesn't mean that you can make me feel bad about it 24*7...I've got feelings too...which are truly hurt by every attempt you people make to make me fall down...please, I'm begging for mercy...please don't hurt me no more...I just can't take it any longer...Kill Me If You Can...be truly pleased...

P.S. *Is Tired Of This Crap, Wants To Give Up Upon Living...*

I hate it here...:(...I wanna get back...

So I know I haven't been blogging much these days...well, that's coz I didn't had any thing to write about...I guess, I'm loosing my writing skills...seriously, I'm not able to write a single meaningful thing nowadays...everyday goes on the same...it feels I'm dead already...its like I go to school at 6.30am in the morning, school sucks a bigtime now (will get back to it later)...return back at home at something around 2.45pm...skip my meal...take a shower...turn on my PC...and sit online for as long as the clock doesn't struck to 12am...and yeah in between my mom do yells at me about different stuff...I never really care to pay attention...its kind of a personal entertainment show for her...and ya I haven't slept for 3days...before these 3days I took sleeping pills to put me to sleep...I'm an INSOMNIAC...finally, proved that I'm dead...I cry every night...I'm reading Anne Frank's Diary...its really awesome...but I know she'll die in the end and it makes me weep...:(

Yesterday was a really bad day...actually Wednesdays are supposed to be good, but this one was really very bad...one of my senior(who was one of my very good friend till yesteraday) is angry with me due to some reason I don't really know...I said sorry to her but it didn't mattered to her at all...I used to have meals in the recess with her but when I went to her class yesterday, she ignored me and kept on talking to some other senior...I cried infront of her...but she didn't cared...and laughed instead with the person in the room..................

Later on, my so-called friends were gossiping about me...I faked a smile so well...but than I was hurt...and I knew it deep inside that it would happen...I cried for 2periods...continuosly...and when I went to school today, I didn't talked to anyone in my school except for a friend of mine who is my senior and the teachers, offcourse...

I really hate it here...I want to escape somehow...escape this life of sorrow, agony, pain, betrayal, depression, torture, anguish, torment, excruciation.......................................blah.blah.blah

XoX - Life Sucks...!!!