Misjudged Relations

It's 11.33pm...I don't know what to write about...I'm feeling kind of low...no specific reason though...I'm just feeling like crying...as if my eyes are gonna burst out crying...day at school was fine...1st period as usual goes on boring...even 2Nd was boring...3rd was okay types, I won't blame my prof. for his lectures...my class students are worth it...4Th one was like....it came and went away...than 5Th, English was really funny and awkward...we had this role play thing going on and my Eng. prof. appointed me as the Britisher's governor general and i had to answer the Indian farmers in the assembly i appointed and tell solutions for their problems...it was funny...I didn't knew what to answer most of the time...I laughed so much...than 6Th one was kind of free so I roamed around the school a bit actually I was searching for the Eng. department head, had to submit him an essay...than i came back and one of my classmate started teasing me and I was just letting it go...as they were more of a compliments but than too...later in the next period he started hitting on me...LoL...life can get so crazy...but than he'll always be my friend...that's what he was meant to be...

Low Level Flight - Turnaround

There's something about this video...I don't know what but it's like I've to listen to it everyday and it makes me feel as if I'm crying my heart out...Lyrics are as follows :

Growing up with you was torture
watching all the things you did
now it seems our life is over
even though were still just kids

You saw the look on my face
You saw the way I have changed
Now Im telling you straight

Turnaround, don't follow the others
Turnaround you know were still brothers
Turnaround and walk away from this life of pain

So many times I've seen what you do
And all alone it's hard to cope
So many time I barely knew you
But now I know that there's still hope

You saw the look on my face
You saw the way I have changed
Now Im telling you straight

Turnaround, don't follow the others
Turnaround you know were still brothers
Turnaround and walk away from this life of pain

Walk away, Turnaround and Run
Dont listen to anyone
Walk away, Turnaround

Turnaround, don't follow the others
Turnaround you know were still brothers
Turnaround and walk away from this life of pain

I know that this is only the begining
Don't you remember you and I are winning
I know that this is only the begining
Don't you remember you and I are winning

Worst Week (Was to be posted on 15th Aug.)

So I guess the whole week was meant to be the worst week of the year…I’m having holidays for 3days so it was decided that I could be online as much as I want…No blocking…But than again, how can I trust my “so-called parents”…I came home from school on the 13th…tried starting my net. But the DSL’s light on my modem was not switching on, I thought my dad would have forgotten to un-block and I started to study than in the evening when he came home from work, I came to know that he hadn’t blocked it last night and something’s wrong with my modem…than he told me that tomorrow someone will come to get this thing work properly so I waited for the next day to come eagerly…mum said that the guy will come at 1pm so I was still waiting but than the clock struck 1.30pm and I called dad, he was like “I just called those people but they are still in Surat, I don’t think they will come today”…than I was like, “what am I supposed to do about this…I have to write an essay”…he was like “What’s the topic…?...I’ll get the data…I said “I’ve to write it on my own but I need some reading to do so…than he started to give his clarifications, and I hung up the phone while he was speaking or yelling…wateva…as I was already in tears, I went to my room…locked the door…fell on my bed and started crying…I don’t know for how long I cried but than I slept and woke up many times between 4pm to 11.30pm but by 12am I was wide awake…than I started studying as I had some pending work to be completed and than I opened up the door as I had "fast" because of Janmastmi and went outside to see if the moon’s visible and than open up my fast…I didn’t had anything for the whole day, not even a single drop of water…that is, I didn’t had anything for 24hrs even though we’re allowed to eat fruits and dry fruits and some other stuff…but I didn’t had anything…the moon was out something around 2am…so I had my dinner and completed my writing work and right now it’s 3.20am and I’m told that I’ve to go to my aunt’s place and do the net. work there so I’m writing this blog thing on Microsoft word and tomorrow I’ll post it in the blog, only if I get to, so this is for sure that I’m doomed for life…and the BSNL people are on holidays for the upcoming 3days…Government Fuckers…But this doesn’t means I trust my “so-called parents” maybe they have this damn thing blocked…but apart from this stuff…I need to write an essay on the subject I was craving for from a very long time…*Innovative Measures To Reduce Corruption*…anyways *Happy 63rd Independence Day*…Fuck…I still hate living…!...And I always will…I wish that the swine flu thing happens to me…and I die in less than 5days…before anyone even notice that I was suffering from it…Damn, someone or something kill me…please…?

Doomed...(Was To Be Posted On 13th Aug.)

I just came to know today that the Units this year will be taking place at the end of this month and I’m like really disturbed and tensed…I haven’t studied a single subject…It’s real bad thing…It’s 13th today…I don’t even have 15days to study and I don’t know where to start from…It’s so sickening…And these people around, are creating so many problems…Got the reputation I’m holding at school with great difficulty…And they are just spoiling it up…Fuck Em’…I never knew people can get that bad…I’ve started holding grudges against some people…I wish they never existed in my life…My life’s like living hell…I’m taking every step so consciously…But I guess I’m going to fall this time…Damn hard…No one to catch me when I fall.:(

The Fallen Angel

A piece of poetry I wrote, somedays back...It's about what I feel right now...Loaded in with all the responsibilities...the pain I feel...All of the cursing I hear...Death is what I wish in the end...Here it is, "The Fallen Angel"

Crawling in my forlorn appearance

I hide my soul behind these tattered wings

Tattered and broken as they are

Plucked of light, stained in tears and blood.

In quiet despair upon the cold earth

Smeared in dirt I crouch upon my weary knees

And clutched timidly between my fingers

Rests one last jewel of Hope.

A single unblemished plume plucked

From the silver light of dawn

A feathered ray of light from beyond

To illuminate the void that has me bound.

This precious barb of silk

Once lost as I was and forgotten

Blazes now to immerse me in radiant bliss

To wash away the pain, draw me from the abyss.

So now I fade away…

My tender flesh removed

My shattered wings released

My inner light unsheathed… escapes.

*Rest In Peace*

Stuff have been pretty bad lately...I can't be online for more than an hour on weekdays...I know it sounds shit...I'm feeling so sick...Got exams from next month...n I'm like totally locked down...My parents have been acting really insane...I don't know why they don't trust me...I don't feel like a kid of theirs, It's more like a warden thing at some hostel though I do what I want...I wrote 30 reasons on the wall of my room about why I want to end up my life...most of them are about my "so called parents"...I feel so bad about everything happening around...I just want to escape, anyhow...Sweet escape for me would be Suicide...but I've tried it like a dozen times...n failed all through...Don't try the following, it won't work...

1.Slit wrists

2.Drink Hydrochloric Acid

3.Vaccines

4.Breaking the thermometer in your mouth and taking in the damned Mercury

5.Giving up eating for days

6.Drowning yourself

7.Choking in something

8.30 Sleeping Pills

But self harm is something that makes me feel real...I know I'm not just skin and bones...I've got a soul somewhere inside which is lost in all this fuss...I haven't been writing any poetry from the past week and there's so much ready to be out but than I don't have time for the only thing I love doing...I wanna end up somehow...I recently had a quarrel with my sis because of some personal reasons...and I'm so messed up since than...the only person I didn't expected to change had changed in so many ways..:(...*crying*...I wish some disease torture me to death...seriously, living like this is more torture than just dying in some damned way...I'll be fine than...somewhere in hell with Satan...sounds good to me...!!!...damn, god please kill me...I want to *Rest In Peace*

Lonely

I feel alone...Drowning In Solitude...No one with me...Just me and my loneliness...I sometimes think of god as a real cruel person but than again maybe god's just like us...maybe he also have the good and bad side of himself...maybe he also feels different emotions like us...but than why does he have to make us cry...and take away our beloved ones...why does he have to be so cruel to see people killing and dying, and still not do anything...why...?...any answer...I guess not...One day, I gonna die the same way...Not a peaceful death though...Maybe like those involved in some tragedy or like Kurt Cobain, overdose of drugs...or maybe from Leukemia...Maybe by just being alone...I'll die just like that...Without any appropriate reason except for that My Loneliness Still Remains...And it always will...I'll be alone foreva n eva...

Awesome People

I've always thought of myself as the only one suffering but after I started blogging, I got to know that there are people like me...Aritry, one of the best person I've met...wateva she writes sounds too good...makes me cry at times...sounds like I'm reading my life's history...than Debayudh Da...he's like my twin soul...so many similarities...I can be like an open book infront of him...He's my fav. poet...his works are so professional...great indeed...Anmol...he's like the real punk rocker...kind of the real deal...so ppl like these makes my life worth living...it's so good to talk to em'...I kind of feel lucky when I think of life this way...I f I haven't gone through all this than I wouldn't have found all these awesome people...I miss my sis still...no one can take her place...but ya, my best friends place is always vacant...so debayudh da is already like my big bro...as I always wanted one...Aritry is like an Angel...Anmol's the fun type...Seriously, these ppl r awesome...*tears*...

Pictaz.....

*Someone for everyone, except me*

Heartbreaker Boys & Girls...I mean all those who read my blog atleast have had a break up...Or have known some ppl like that...I really hate ppl like that...I've known so many ppl like em'...many break ups...a lot of blood & bruises...have seen it all...I know what it feels to be left broken hearted...I know how it feels when no one's there for you...I know crying isn't going to help me but still I keep on crying...no one to see my tears flow...no one to hold me when I'm all alone...no one there to listen to me...I walk alone on the road to death...I walk alone...These scars on my wrists...No one even cares to take a look at em' and ask me why...?...I walk alone and I always will...*Someone for everyone, except me*

Here's the song by Simple Plan, Your Love Is A Lie...