Death Sonata

I try so hard to avoid

These sour thoughts of mine

The bitterness that’s in me

The want of vengeance that speaks

The cries of my tainted soul

Never heard or believed

Lay in the corner of this abyss

I bleed myself to demise

Give Up Upon Living...

Nobody cares...Seriously, No One does...no one even pays a single minute to read this blog of mine...well, why would they...all have got so much random work to do...I stand no where in this World...The Net. World as you call it and on the other hand, I don't stand anywhere even in the real World...Every single person Hates me...I know I suck...but that doesn't mean that you can make me feel bad about it 24*7...I've got feelings too...which are truly hurt by every attempt you people make to make me fall down...please, I'm begging for mercy...please don't hurt me no more...I just can't take it any longer...Kill Me If You Can...be truly pleased...

P.S. *Is Tired Of This Crap, Wants To Give Up Upon Living...*

I hate it here...:(...I wanna get back...

So I know I haven't been blogging much these days...well, that's coz I didn't had any thing to write about...I guess, I'm loosing my writing skills...seriously, I'm not able to write a single meaningful thing nowadays...everyday goes on the same...it feels I'm dead already...its like I go to school at 6.30am in the morning, school sucks a bigtime now (will get back to it later)...return back at home at something around 2.45pm...skip my meal...take a shower...turn on my PC...and sit online for as long as the clock doesn't struck to 12am...and yeah in between my mom do yells at me about different stuff...I never really care to pay attention...its kind of a personal entertainment show for her...and ya I haven't slept for 3days...before these 3days I took sleeping pills to put me to sleep...I'm an INSOMNIAC...finally, proved that I'm dead...I cry every night...I'm reading Anne Frank's Diary...its really awesome...but I know she'll die in the end and it makes me weep...:(

Yesterday was a really bad day...actually Wednesdays are supposed to be good, but this one was really very bad...one of my senior(who was one of my very good friend till yesteraday) is angry with me due to some reason I don't really know...I said sorry to her but it didn't mattered to her at all...I used to have meals in the recess with her but when I went to her class yesterday, she ignored me and kept on talking to some other senior...I cried infront of her...but she didn't cared...and laughed instead with the person in the room..................

Later on, my so-called friends were gossiping about me...I faked a smile so well...but than I was hurt...and I knew it deep inside that it would happen...I cried for 2periods...continuosly...and when I went to school today, I didn't talked to anyone in my school except for a friend of mine who is my senior and the teachers, offcourse...

I really hate it here...I want to escape somehow...escape this life of sorrow, agony, pain, betrayal, depression, torture, anguish, torment, excruciation.......................................blah.blah.blah

XoX - Life Sucks...!!!

Untitled

So as my exams ended on the last 8th of August, I got the news that Half yearly's are starting from the 1st of October, how worse can the situations get...I hate it here, damn lot...I don't have time to write anything new...so here's a verse I wrote some time back...

wake up from the nightmare
succubus taints your dreams
melodies of frantic whispers
escape your severed esteem
Just live through the malice
The envy of her ego
When she lives in a beautiful
World of surrender
Wake up from the nightmare
Make it exciting and dress to kill
Remember the nightmare
that Haunts you still...

A Scene At The Temple (01-09-09)

I stood there, with all those people

Praying for their welfare

What’s wrong with society ?

All they think about is money

I started to feel dizzy

My mind went out of control

I ran outside

Shared a bench with a laborer

Well, here it’s how it goes

The thing that caught my mind

She was scared to go inside

Scared to face all those people with dirty looks

Scared to step in the temple and pray with the rich

They say, everyone’s equal to God

So why is this inequality happening

She sat there, without a word

And kept on praying

Till it all went on in there

She had her child close to her heart

Who wanted to go inside

But she didn’t wanted it to face

That cruel world either

They kept sitting there till it was over

My so-called friends came from the inside

Giving me a weird look

I know what it was about

But that lady is still a human

Why don’t they treat her equally ?

And I feel so sorry, for all those people

Who differentiate between us and those innocents

What wrong did they do ?

What harm did they do to us ?

Why do we treat them unequally…?

We are the rich but also the poor, from the inside…

Take Me Away...

So depressed

So stressed

Living a soul less life

All that is left, is skin and bones

My mistakes

I regret

You were always a stranger

Shouldn't have let you in

You lied

I believed

Faking your identity

All that times you thought I’d fell for it, I truly did

Eternal damnation, is what I get

After all the times I trusted in you

Euphoria is no where to be seen

Dysphoria is overwhelming me

Dreamed of heaven

Have to go through hell

The wrongs you did

Why am I paying for them?

Death wish

Locked in scheol

Lucifer, forgive me

And take me away with you…

I'm just a kid...

I’m just a kid

Is all I can say

For you don’t treat me like one

And it’s as if I’m your age

Don’t tell me that stuff

I don’t wanna hear it

I’ve got my own problems

I can’t handle yours

I’m no mature

Or a responsible adult or something

I’m just a kid

Who never got to enjoy her childhood

What’s so funny about those dirty clothes…

Uncompleted homework…broken pencils and stuff…

I guess, I’ll never know

For I didn’t got to enjoy those talks with mom

And those rides with dad

Or those meaningless quarrels with my sister

I never had any of them…

I’m just a kid

Who was never loved

I came in this world for waste

Tell me if you find me irritating

I’ll just end up some way

It’s not a new thing for me

To try killing myself

And to reborn again

I’ve been through it all

You just make me face it all over again

I’m just a kid

And my life is all about

Unfulfilled dreams…break-ups…tears…scars…

What else does this World offers…?

Somewhere in the dark

I wanna see a new light

A light which comes with happiness

And will always stay…

For I’m just a kid

Who is scared…scared of the dark…

Emotionless

Do you know what it feels like...

When there is no one you can turn to

Your world's breaking down

And you just can't do anything

To make it go the right way

Well, that's what I'm feeling right now

My mom hates me...I hate her too

She made me hate her...can't help the fact

How she acts so much weird sometimes

And just act so much insane

At these moments like this one

I close my door

Turn on the radio

Cry my insides out

Ask myself why

How did I get here ?

She ain't even my mother

No one's mine

I ain't got any friends

I ain't got anyone

Just me going on continuously

My world keeps on breaking down

I want to give up but I just can't

There's no end to it

I just have to take it all in...face the pain...

And go on and on

I don't know how much longer I can hold on

I just hope it won't be long for my end to come

I want to escape...end this pain...end my life

End this loneliness...

I want the good lord to feel pleased today…

And Satan feel sorry...

I won't mind rotting in Hell for eternity

All I want is an escape

Escape from this World...This living hell...

And here comes the worst part

I don't even know why my dad changed so much

He used to be my hero

And all that's left of him to be is being a villain

A really bad one...

My sis whom I love the most is far off in some other World

Which knows no cry of pain...living without emotions...

No one gives a damn to care about the another

I'm not even sure if she remembers me the way I remember her

All that I know is that she is far off and she won't be here to see my end...

It seems good in a way...If she still loves me than it won't be a good sight

For her to watch at least...

Those who say, they belong to me...

Well, they are far away in some distant corner of the World

Neither can I reach them nor can they reach me...

Talking and wishing is all that we can do

No one would be there to save me from my suffocating, painful, death

I gonna bleed myself to death

Gonna slit my wrists deeper...see the blood flow

And enjoy the pleasure the sight of it gives

I gonna learn to live in pain

Show them I don't care

How much worse can it get...?

And so here I'm waiting for their final decision

Writing another piece of crap

Shoving this on their face

I don't care is all that I've got to say

Go on do what you want...make my insides die and live emotionless...